Porn is love you can see.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
