im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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