I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
