I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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