Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
