that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
