he thought i was a dude.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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