I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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