He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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