How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
