does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
