Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
