He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
