Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
