Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
