Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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