Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
