I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
