we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
