just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
