Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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