need another drink. this is the easiest way
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
