when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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