This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
