69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
