it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
