Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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