I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
