Who wears a wallet chain?!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i wish my penis had a tongue
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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