You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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