New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
