She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
