Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
