Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
