I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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