exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
