Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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