My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
