6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
