omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
