Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
