He is an equal opportunity slut.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
