i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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