I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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