Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
