Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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