I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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