Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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