U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
