Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
