dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
