I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
