you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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