Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
