We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
