Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
