i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
