Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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