help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
